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Queen of La La Land

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(no subject) [Feb. 28th, 2009|05:46 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |satisfiedsatisfied]

Ha.
I thought I would just answer all of the questions, as well as update what has been said since our talk about the financial situation.

So, he gave this big schpeil that night about accruing debt and what not, mostly because I want to buy couches.  I want them for myself, because I can afford them.  I'm not talking about spending 3 grand.   MAYBE 1500...at the most.  Really, I only want to pay like $1000.  So anyway, after all that business....

HE BOUGHT A FREAKING MOTORCYCLE.

Not just any motorcycle, but a Harley. 

When I finally saw him, after sitting around waiting on him all night long, I just pretty much told him that it was his money, and if it makes him happy, I'm happy for him.  Only truly upsetting thing to me, is that it isn't a 2 seat bike...just one seat.  Boo.  So I was a little bitter that I can't enjoy the ride with him, but whatever.

THEN, I launched into him about the whole credit report thing.  I told him, in no certain order that:
---go ahead and pull the report. I would rather him go ahead and cut me loose now due to the mistakes that might be on my report from 5 or more years ago, than have me sitting here 3 or 4 months from now, a hell of a lot more involved, and heartbroken because he feels like my "credit" is not up to par for him
---the whole conversation was based on me telling him that I want to buy a new couch.  Never once did I ask for his help, simply stated that I wanted to get them.  Not, "Honey will you finance my trip to XXX furniture store?  Im\'m going to use your credit to get a ridiculously over priced living room set..."  Psh.  I want to do it, with MY money.
---THEN after all that big talk about acquiring debt when you really need to pay off other things, he had the nerve to run out and but a motorcycle?  Scuse me?  I don't have 3 unpaid credit cards to the tune of 13 G.  Not to say that he doesn't make phenomenal $$, because he does.  Most of his credit cards are from buying this house and the appliances/the work that was done rennovating.  BUT STILL.  Do not preach to me and then be a hypocrite.

There were a few other choice things said, but they aren't as relevant as those points. 

His response?

"Go buy your couch, babe.  I'm sorry I tried to dictate your money and what you should do with it.  I do want to look at your credit, just to see what I am getting myself into, or to see what we need to pay off for you...because if we get married we accrue each other's credit.  But I trust you.  Go buy your couch, I'm sure you won't be stupid about it...and I have been treating you like you are foolish.

And now I see why guys like to make you mad...you're absolutely adorable when you argue."

and he kissed me.


So anyway, I've been looking at couches all day, he's been riding his motorcycle (when he wasn't framing out my closet.)  Love it.

Oh Salsa...we've only been dating about a month.
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Pump the brakes.... [Feb. 27th, 2009|04:40 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |shockedshocked]


In a little bit of a drunken haze last night, Troy told me that he wants to run a credit report on me.

Is that a little weird...or REAL weird????

I told him that there is no reason for that atthisverysecond...and that if he really felt he connects with me then it shouldn't matter *that* much.  At the same time, he answered, "What is the main reason most couples fight and argue?  Money is the root of all evil," to which I whole heartedly agreed. 

However, I am a hard worker.  I don't have any kids, I have 2 jobs, a car, a 3 bedroom house, and really no major credit card or any other debt (other than my car).  I don't really have anything to hide, but I'm not marrying him right now, so he needs to chill out.  I didn't freak out on him, but told him that he was a little drunk and he and Jack Daniels probably needed to go to bed.  

I'm sure his credit is stellar, but I also haven't asked him to do anything what-so-ever for me.  Nothing.  Nada.  

All this was brought up because I told him if I moved in, I was getting rid of my worn out old couch and chair (and he could put his circa 1983 Santa Fe inspired couch out in his garage), and I'm getting new couches.  I want them anyway, and I will buy them.  Something to do with financing (who said ANYTHING about financing.  I will buy them.) was said, and then the whole "credit report" discussion.

I'm thinking it has something to do with an ex buying couches or something (which he probably financed the trip to the furniture store), and then when she left, she took them with her. 

I don't know, but it made me think a little harder...and kind of rained on my parade that he is so skeptical of me already...and I haven't done anything but work, help him out when he's out of town, and dote on him while he's here.  WTF??

Of course, I said a couple of slick remarks as well, which were taken in a "touche!" kind of way...but still.  I don't want to argue over money when there's really nothing to argue about right now.  I haven't (and more than likely WON'T) ask him to do anything for me unless it's been quite some time and I get in that comfort zone.  But hell, I don't even like asking my own MOTHER for help.

I'm too damn independent for that, and I told him so.

Pfft.
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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2009|03:25 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |crankycranky]


1. last beverage→ Dr Pepper
2. last phone call→ a patient
3. last text message→ Melissa
4. last song you listened to→ Blame It...Jamie Foxx
5. last time you cried→ Oh yesterday. 

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. dated someone twice → that's an understatement.
2. been cheated on? that is, too.
3. kissed someone & regretted it? generally speaking, no.

4. lost someone special?→ Not too terribly.  Im blessed
5. been depressed?→ So much it hurt
6. been drunk and threw up? Yep.  I try not to do that too often anymore.  It isnt very lady-like

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Green
2. Purple
3. Electric Blue

THIS Semester HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Well, Im not in a "semester," but I make new friends all the time.
2. Fallen out of love → I don't believe I ever stop loving people that i have fallen in love with...but yeah, I've been falling out of love since probably November.
3. Laughed until you cried → I laugh like that quite a bit.
4. Met someone who changed you –No.  Im not letting anyone change me, but ME.
5. Found out who your true friends were → I already knew.
6. Found out someone was talking about you→ Haters are everywhere, and someone always has my name on their lips.  Isn't that special??
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ In my LJ, probably just Justin.
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → I have not a clue
9. How many kids do you want to have→ I dont even care.
10. Do you have any pets --> My Mayne Mayne, Piggy, and later on if I move out to the country with Troy, we will include 2 more dogs and a cat.

11. Do you want to change your name→ Nope. I am named PERFECTLY. 
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ I had the best, most fantastic, greatest party.  I had SO much fun.
13. What time did you wake up today → 6:20, then 6:50.  =)
14. What were you doing at midnight last night ---> Reading.    
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for? A freaking vacation.  A REAL vacation.
16. Last time you saw your father→ It's been a minute.  He texts me now to tell me he loves me.  Psh.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → That I knew what I wanted to do for a career.
18. What are you listening to right now? just people around me, working.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → My HS cheer coach's husband was Tom, my bro has a friend Tom.
20. What's getting on your nerves right now? Ugh, living out of 2 places.  That's getting old real quick.  
21. Most visited website?   MySpace, Yahoo, Facebook, LJ
1. Whats your real name → Joy
2. Nicknames→ JoyBoat, Joyous, Beautiful...haha
3. Relationship Status → in a relationship
4. Zodiac sign → Saggitarrius
5. Male or female or transgendered→ Female!
6. Elementary? yes
7. Middle School → uh huh
8. High school → for sure
10. Hair color → Ew, it's looking like a pale red, with blonde on top.  I need to get it redone.
11. Long or short---> Mid
16. Height → approximately 5 foot 7
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Yep.  I think he's SO cute.  =) my sweetie.
18: What do you like about yourself? That I am so LOYAL. and a badass makeup artist.
19. Piercings → ears. 
20. Tattoos → 1
21. Righty or lefty →Lefty

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → 2006?
23. First piercing → ?
24. First best friends → Trisha, Danielle, and Courtney
26. First sport you joined → Track.  that was a laugh a minute.
27. First pet --> Honey, a dog
28. First vacation→ Probably 6 Flags in Arlington

29. First concert → HTown, Zapp N Roger, the Twins and Mokenstef.  =) 
30. First crush –> Robin Hood, the cartoon Fox... 

RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → chewing gum
50. Drinking →Dr Pepper
52. I'm about to – Go through some faxes.
53. Listening to → same annoying coworkers
55. Waiting for → 5:00!!


YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? yes
59. Want to get married? yes
60. Careers in mind?  I really want to go to school to be an esthetician.  Bad.  I think Troy is going to help me realize that dream, I really do.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
68. Lips or eyes → Lips, because they are right there by the teeth, which is a big deal to me.
69. Hugs or kisses → both!  Kisses while hugging!
70. Shorter or taller → Taller...my honey is 6'4 and I love it!
71. Older or Younger ----> I need someone a little older.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous...romance usually is somewhat spontaneous anyway.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms/Shoulders
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship → Relationships. I've done all the hooking up I care to do.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant--> Eff that.  Neither.

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Yes
79. Drank hard liquor --> yep...I didn't drink beer until I was 21 and too broke to buy girly drinks.  Plus, you can get a beer bought for you faster than you can something complicated.
80. Lost glasses/contacts → No, I've only had the one pair thats on my face
81. Sex on first date --> Not gonna lie, I damn sure have.  Sometimes you just feel it too much to not.  =)
82. Broken someone's heart → I'm sure R is feeling a little broken now that he "knows" its over.
83. Had your own heart broken --> I've been broken more times by R than should be legal.
85. Been arrested → Sure have.  That was NO fun.
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died → Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → You know, I got real drunk with a les friend one time, and we passed out in the same bed...we woke up freaking out, until we realized we were fully clothed.  That's prob the closest reality to really "liking" a girl friend like that.


I don't know what happened to the rest of this, but oh well...Im tired of doing it anyway.

 

 

So Troy left town yesterday with work, and made me copies to all his locks and stuff.  He's so funny.  He called last night and asked if I was sleeping at his house, and I said, "Well, no..." and he asked why not.  I told him, "I kind of like staying at the house I pay for every now and then."  I guess he figured I would just automatically jump right into his house and take over.  Well, I'm not. 

I finally told R to just completely leave me alone yesterday.  We both cried, and he said, "I finally feel like it's really over between us."  I said, "Yeah, but it's not bad.  I just can't be your friend until I am a little more over our whole situation."  He told me that he understood, and he would respect me and my wishes, and stop calling. 

Wow.  I never really thought it would happen.

Do I think he will keep his word?  Not at all.  He will get drunk and start missing me, and call me in the middle of the night.  It's going to happen.  Even though I asked him not to, I know it will.  Oh well.  I did what needed to be done, and I can only hope that he will respect me enough to go on with his life without me or my input in it.  He didn't want it when he had it, so he shouldn't need it now. 

Anyway, I'm in dire need of my income tax to come in.  DIRE NEED.  That sucks.  I hate being broke.

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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2009|09:34 am]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]


Thanks for all the comments and well wishes and stuff.  I'm glad to know my internet friends think of me and care!  *tear*  Haha...I'm surprised no one said that I am moving too fast or anything like that.  I feel like I should be thinking more logically about this.  But the problem is, I just don't feel like I have to.  I've never felt so sure about a relationship, ever.  Hey, it might all come back to bite me in the ass, but let's hope not. 

He made me keys to his place yesterday...and is building me a closet.  I love that man.  HE'S BUILDING ME A CLOSET.  Hello Carrie and Big...lol!  I'm sure it won't be quite that extravagant, but nevertheless...he's doing it for me.

Oh, and he wants to buy horses.  I'm all for him doing whatever he wants, but he travels a lot...and I don't want to be in charge of horses.  I just don't.  I love them and all, and he is all gung ho about being able to go ride horses, "wouldn't it be fun!" and all that jazz...but I had to reply, "Yeah, it would be fun.  Even more fun if WE didn't have to take care of them every single day."  Ugh.  He's being really spur of the moment about this, and I am trying to be the voice of reason.  But whatever....we aren't married or anything, so all I can do is voice my opinion and hope he takes it to heart.  I know he is, but he's sure trying to get me to be excited like he is, and I'm trying, it's just hard.  It's like Green Acres up in that piece.  I'm totally a city girl, and he's a country boy...outdoors and nature.  This DIVA needs to work her way into that kind of stuff, because I'm a little too girly to jump right in to 4 wheelers, fishing, and camping with serious zest.  Moderation...I enjoy that stuff, I just haven't been around it in a LONG time.    Anyway, I just don't want the responsibility of 2 large animals on my shoulders at any point in time.  That's all I'm sayin.


In other news:
I just didn't really understand the way the American Idol eliminations went last night.  Why did they only choose 3?  I missed the beginning of the show, and I am feeling really confused.  3?  Out of all those people?  And I totally didn't like the Roughneck dude who sang "I don't wanna be..." he's not that great.  The other 2 totally deserved their spots, but I liked Anoop, dammit.  I wanted him to stick around.  What happens to the others?  I feel totally in the dark about all this....

I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris.  I really really like them...I've read 4 so far.  I like the southern slang...not to mention the fact that there is a lot of very supernatural stuff that goes on in them.  I like to read crap that has nothing at all to do with reality.  haha
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If anyone cares...or maybe this is just for me. [Feb. 18th, 2009|02:14 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Location |working...]
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]


A lot has gone on in the last couple of months. 

Rodney got the EVICT from me at the end of September, and the girls went home a couple of days before that.  Needless to say, after the better part of a year of being a wife/mom (or what-have-you), I was left all alone and in a little bit of a shambles.

For a month, October, I was sad.  I called R a lot, and while I never begged him to come back, I just wanted him to know how hurt I was.  I felt the need to express that all the time to him, hoping that his guilt would lead him in the right direction...back home.  I cried my poor little eyes out, listened to a lot of mushy sad music, and was basically a recluse.  I didn't do anything, ever. 

The next month, November, I got angry.  Not just a little mad, or kinda pissed off, but full-on, all out hate-everything-and-everybody ANGRY.  I was miserable to be around, spent a lot of my time drinking at this little hole in the wall karaoke bar, and totally owned the term "bitch" when I was called it.  I even flicked my hair into a guy's face and told him, "You think I'm a bitch?  Well, you want one, you got one...I'LL BE THAT." (which is when I flicked my hair right under his nose, and Naomi Campbell walked away)  He came to me later, taking my hand, kissing it, and apologizing profusely.  I just didn't care.  I was SO not in the mood to take any BS from anyone.  I was bitter and mad at the opposite sex, and no one could make me feel better.  NO ONE.

In December, I got over it.  Sure, there were still times when I was lonely, and I really missed being around someone.  I was sad about the impending holidays... because of all of the things I had planned for R and the kids, and real pissed off when R forgot my birthday...only to show up right before I left for my party and tell me how good I looked, but "what was the occasion?"  Jerk.  But I was over it all, and knew I didn't really EVER want him back in my life on a constant basis.  I started using him like he uses me, and he didn't like that very much.  He didn't like it much when I let him know he had "no power over me."  Haha. 

I met someone on my birthday, and we really hit it off.  Thanks to my lil Sweet Thang, I have to say, I learned to just open up and be myself again.  There were people out there willing to spend time with me, and appreciate all the greatness I have to offer.  He asked me what happened, and how a girl like me was single.  After I told him, he sincerely looked at me and said, "Well, that's his loss now, isn't it?"  He made me feel better about myself, and gave me something to look forward to every evening.  I dated him from my birthday, up until 2 weeks ago.  We kept it casual, dating other people, because both of us knew we were totally in it for all the right reasons. However, I ended up meeting someone who wanted to take it to the next level...refusing to pass up on a catch like me.  =)

Fast forward through most of December and January to now.  I mostly saw my lil Sweet Thang through those months, but went out with other guys as well.  Why close myself off to other options, right?  I enjoyed my time with him, but also knew it probably wasn't going to progress into a long-term anything...except friendship.  Just keeping it real.

So I met this guy on MySpace.  Troy.  He sent me a message, and said I looked familiar, asking me if I went to such and such school.  I told him no, and we proceeded to try and figure out where he knew me.  After a few days of chatting via messaging on MySpace, he gave me his number and told me to text him, because he wanted to keep talking to me, but had to go to work.  I sent him a text HOURS later, and we chatted it up.  The next night he asked me to dinner ("McDonald's, of course" to which I replied, "Great! And when we are done, we can play in the ball pit!").  We went and ate Chinese, then had a few drinks after.  Very casual, in fact, the restaurant only accepted cash or checks, so I paid for dinner when they nixed his debit card.  He was embarrassed, but I think I won him over when I picked up the tab.  This was on a Tuesday night. 

By Sunday evening, after hanging out most of the weekend, he wrapped me up in his arms and told me that he wanted to date me exclusively.  The chemistry between us is AMAZING.  You can feel it, it's so electric.  Everyone that is around us thinks we are absolutely adorable, in fact, on our second date, an elderly couple asked us how long we had been MARRIED.  He told me that since the first night, he can't get enough of me, and he felt that if he didn't tell me from the beginning how much he felt like he was supposed to be with me, that it would have been a huge mistake.  Since then, I did decide to date only him, and we've been pretty much inseperable.  Everyone in his life just adores me, and all of his friend's wives have said, "You must be pretty amazing...he's never acted like this!"  His best friend told me that I'm perfect for him, and he hasn't ever thought that, EVER, about any of his girlfriends.  My friends couldn't be happier, and everyone is just overjoyed that finally, I am with someone who deserves me, and doesn't take advantage of me.

We've been dating a little over 2 weeks.  For Valentine's Day, he gave me a full body, Face to Feet Spa Treatment.  $150...he REALLY likes me, haha!  Really though, he's a keeper.  But you know, I like him too.  I have never in my life felt so instantly connected with someone, or like this is where I am supposed to be.  We haven't slept together, except in the really basic, technical sense, and I think that is a good thing.  He told me that he thinks I am "The One" because no one has ever sparked his interest like this, or made him feel like he has to spend all of his time with them.  Except me.  I just love it.  Everything about him has me completely realizing this is what I have waited my entire adult life for.  It's insane, sudden, and some would say we have just "jumped into this." Hell, even I am saying that to myself.  But it just feels so right.  I can't explain it.  We were just instantly comfortable together, and inseperable already.  I know that brand new relationships are supposed to be sickly sweet and what not, but I've never just felt like this was it.  The person I am suppsed to be with.  Never.  It makes all this Rodney business seem distant...like I was just killing time until I met Troy. 

I'm just HAPPY.  Giddy, stupid, whole-heartedly happy.  For the first time, I feel like this...and I don't have any doubts or reservations in the back of my mind.  It's a great, great feeling.
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(no subject) [Dec. 23rd, 2008|05:00 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |peacefulpeaceful]

Love you all....have a VERY Merry Christmas!!!!

xoxo
Joy
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Sorry, no cut [Dec. 3rd, 2008|03:46 pm]
Queen of La La Land
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity   (I will include this for keeping the girls)
7. Been to Disneyland (been to Disneyworld too!)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept overnight on a train


21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen the Mona Lisa in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David

41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant yesh because at the Texan if the walk, I pay.  Jerks.
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (only if a characature counts, LOL)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Guide Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Saw the changing of the guards in London
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life.
90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
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My Horoscope for today [Oct. 10th, 2008|01:46 pm]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

"Today, it's a great day to pay more attention to yourself than usual. There is only so much you can do to help other people, and you've pretty much already done all of it. So right now you need to help yourself -- to relax, to get things done, or to just sit around and be bored. You may have trouble with misplacing things early in the day, but once you focus on putting yourself first, you'll find that you can indeed regain control and find whatever you lost quickly. "

It's amazing how true this is.
My realizations I made before I even read this are so spot on.
Not to mention I locked my keys in my house this morning, and had to get a ride to work. Haha!
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(no subject) [Oct. 10th, 2008|11:46 am]
Queen of La La Land
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]

I feel like such a foolish little high school girl.

Honestly, I remember my first real heartbreak, and what it felt like to be so sad over a boy. I remember sitting outside of my best friend's house, in my Jeep, her in the passenger seat, crying my eyes out. My first "love"...and I was so crushed. I just cried and cried, became a helluva poet, wrote in my journals, and was totally angsty and drama filled at 20 years old. I had other little disappointments in previous years, unrequited love and what not, but nothing that made me cry my eyes out like that. Nothing that made me walk around zombied out and stuff.

In retrospect, that was NOTHING compared to the emptiness and depression that I feel now.

I cry ALL. THE. TIME.

Everything just seems so pointless. I know what I should be doing, but why? I can't even go out and have fun with my girlfriends, because I am constantly worried about if he is going to be there, who he might be with...yada yada. I don't sleep well at night, constantly waking up and tossing and turning. I'll wake up sweating from dreaming about something bad happening to him. I sit around my house, not accomplishing anything, just a bump on the couch, watching my cats play with each other. I don't even WANT to hang out with anyone because I have lost every bit of ability to have fun, and that disgusts me.

I am disgusted with how I feel. Absolutely disgusted. I don't want to feel like this, my name is JOY for ChristSake! My brother even called me last night and all they (he and my mother) can do is tell me to "Hang in there," and "What a good decision this is," and I KNOW THAT. I FREAKING KNOW ITS A BETTER DECISION. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about him. It doesnt change the fact that I feel like a huge part of me is just out there wandering the street. It doesn't change the fact that I planned my life with him, and that I am utterly and totally void of all the 'good' stuff anymore. I feel like there isn't any 'good stuff' that I can look forward to.

I just don't know what I am supposed to do to get back on track.

It doesn't make it any better that he just doesn't seem to care about anything I need, or anything at all. Like I am just NOBODY to him. NOBODY. Like I didn't sit by his side for 2 fucking years while he was in prison. Like I didn't waste 2 years of my fucking life being supportive, writing faithfully, even travelling to see him at least every 3 months. Nothing I ever did, or still do, matters to him. That is the most heart wrenching of it all.

I'm about to go into MEGA BITCH mode. Seriously. And it won't be anyone's fault but his own, because HE turned me into this. HE DID. Since it is apparent that he doesn't care about me, then I have no choice but to NOT care about him.

I need a distraction. Big Time.
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Have a nice day... [Sep. 30th, 2008|12:22 pm]
Queen of La La Land
I just told a patient, "Thank you. Have a nice day, okay?" to which she replied..."I will..."

Then she rounded the corner and came back and said, "You know, I just have to say this. That was the first time in WEEKS that someone has told me to have a nice day, and I felt they genuinely meant it. You just blessed my day. Thank you so much."

That gave me goosebumps. I'm glad that my pleasant tone made someone happy. I really do mean it when I tell people that, though. I wonder how many people say it out of habit and don't sound sincere?

Weird.
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