|If anyone cares...or maybe this is just for me.
||[Feb. 18th, 2009|02:14 pm]
Queen of La La Land
A lot has gone on in the last couple of months.
Rodney got the EVICT from me at the end of September, and the girls went home a couple of days before that. Needless to say, after the better part of a year of being a wife/mom (or what-have-you), I was left all alone and in a little bit of a shambles.
For a month, October, I was sad. I called R a lot, and while I never begged him to come back, I just wanted him to know how hurt I was. I felt the need to express that all the time to him, hoping that his guilt would lead him in the right direction...back home. I cried my poor little eyes out, listened to a lot of mushy sad music, and was basically a recluse. I didn't do anything, ever.
The next month, November, I got angry. Not just a little mad, or kinda pissed off, but full-on, all out hate-everything-and-everybody ANGRY. I was miserable to be around, spent a lot of my time drinking at this little hole in the wall karaoke bar, and totally owned the term "bitch" when I was called it. I even flicked my hair into a guy's face and told him, "You think I'm a bitch? Well, you want one, you got one...I'LL BE THAT." (which is when I flicked my hair right under his nose, and Naomi Campbell walked away) He came to me later, taking my hand, kissing it, and apologizing profusely. I just didn't care. I was SO not in the mood to take any BS from anyone. I was bitter and mad at the opposite sex, and no one could make me feel better. NO ONE.
In December, I got over it. Sure, there were still times when I was lonely, and I really missed being around someone. I was sad about the impending holidays... because of all of the things I had planned for R and the kids, and real pissed off when R forgot my birthday...only to show up right before I left for my party and tell me how good I looked, but "what was the occasion?" Jerk. But I was over it all, and knew I didn't really EVER want him back in my life on a constant basis. I started using him like he uses me, and he didn't like that very much. He didn't like it much when I let him know he had "no power over me." Haha.
I met someone on my birthday, and we really hit it off. Thanks to my lil Sweet Thang, I have to say, I learned to just open up and be myself again. There were people out there willing to spend time with me, and appreciate all the greatness I have to offer. He asked me what happened, and how a girl like me was single. After I told him, he sincerely looked at me and said, "Well, that's his loss now, isn't it?" He made me feel better about myself, and gave me something to look forward to every evening. I dated him from my birthday, up until 2 weeks ago. We kept it casual, dating other people, because both of us knew we were totally in it for all the right reasons. However, I ended up meeting someone who wanted to take it to the next level...refusing to pass up on a catch like me. =)
Fast forward through most of December and January to now. I mostly saw my lil Sweet Thang through those months, but went out with other guys as well. Why close myself off to other options, right? I enjoyed my time with him, but also knew it probably wasn't going to progress into a long-term anything...except friendship. Just keeping it real.
So I met this guy on MySpace. Troy. He sent me a message, and said I looked familiar, asking me if I went to such and such school. I told him no, and we proceeded to try and figure out where he knew me. After a few days of chatting via messaging on MySpace, he gave me his number and told me to text him, because he wanted to keep talking to me, but had to go to work. I sent him a text HOURS later, and we chatted it up. The next night he asked me to dinner ("McDonald's, of course" to which I replied, "Great! And when we are done, we can play in the ball pit!"). We went and ate Chinese, then had a few drinks after. Very casual, in fact, the restaurant only accepted cash or checks, so I paid for dinner when they nixed his debit card. He was embarrassed, but I think I won him over when I picked up the tab. This was on a Tuesday night.
By Sunday evening, after hanging out most of the weekend, he wrapped me up in his arms and told me that he wanted to date me exclusively. The chemistry between us is AMAZING. You can feel it, it's so electric. Everyone that is around us thinks we are absolutely adorable, in fact, on our second date, an elderly couple asked us how long we had been MARRIED. He told me that since the first night, he can't get enough of me, and he felt that if he didn't tell me from the beginning how much he felt like he was supposed to be with me, that it would have been a huge mistake. Since then, I did decide to date only him, and we've been pretty much inseperable. Everyone in his life just adores me, and all of his friend's wives have said, "You must be pretty amazing...he's never acted like this!" His best friend told me that I'm perfect for him, and he hasn't ever thought that, EVER, about any of his girlfriends. My friends couldn't be happier, and everyone is just overjoyed that finally, I am with someone who deserves me, and doesn't take advantage of me.
We've been dating a little over 2 weeks. For Valentine's Day, he gave me a full body, Face to Feet Spa Treatment. $150...he REALLY likes me, haha! Really though, he's a keeper. But you know, I like him too. I have never in my life felt so instantly connected with someone, or like this is where I am supposed to be. We haven't slept together, except in the really basic, technical sense, and I think that is a good thing. He told me that he thinks I am "The One" because no one has ever sparked his interest like this, or made him feel like he has to spend all of his time with them. Except me. I just love it. Everything about him has me completely realizing this is what I have waited my entire adult life for. It's insane, sudden, and some would say we have just "jumped into this." Hell, even I am saying that to myself. But it just feels so right. I can't explain it. We were just instantly comfortable together, and inseperable already. I know that brand new relationships are supposed to be sickly sweet and what not, but I've never just felt like this was it. The person I am suppsed to be with. Never. It makes all this Rodney business seem distant...like I was just killing time until I met Troy.
I'm just HAPPY. Giddy, stupid, whole-heartedly happy. For the first time, I feel like this...and I don't have any doubts or reservations in the back of my mind. It's a great, great feeling.